HOW TO AVOID WRITING

By Rosalie Brinn

Right off the bat, I want you to know a few things. This is big time stuff. It’s true that I played a few rounds of Spider Solitaire before I started, but that was just to warm up the computer. Older son was on the computer when I wanted to start. But that’s for amateurs. I just spell checked because I wasn’t sure how to spell ‘amateurs’ but that’s small potatoes. This is the Triple Crown of how to avoid writing. So here goes.

This piece is not due until the middle of July. I kid you not. I am writing this blog on how to avoid writing over one month before the usual mad dash to use the computer with everyone sensing that there is an important deadline for me to meet and so dreaming up anything to avoid meeting my deadline: A major fight between the other two contenders for the computer, involving the neighbors calling the police, a local blackout, a eastern seaboard blackout, or a total crash of the computer with no other computer available. The library closed, all friends on vacation or better yet, tired of my constant begging to use their laptops, and finally saying no, are also popular choices for avoiding writing.

How can I write this with a straight face, totally sincere and without blowing my credibility? Read on and learn.

The first thing that should have tipped you off is that this piece is due in about six weeks. What does that say to you? Well, if you have been following my blog posts you should be aware that I am writing a romance novel called, A KNIGHT TO REMEMBER. I reported Lady Alyse was surrounded by wolves circling the tree she climbed to avoid becoming wolf Purina. You might also know that two warriors, one a noble lord, the other his faithful companion approached. Obviously Lady Alyse has to come down from that tree so that she and one of the two men can fall in love.

Well I did get Lady Alyse down and she made the acquaintance of these two men. But there has to be more. And there is. The only problem is she has to come out of her pretend coma so the plot can continue to twist its merry way to a happy ending. Can anyone see where this is going? If so, when the book is completed and published, an autographed copy will be yours postage paid on request. Honor system for this contest, please.

I know exactly what is going to happen. It is all written, but alas, for bad fortune’s sake, it is still in my head and not in the computer. If I would finish it, I could enter it in a contest or attend the RWA convention and pitch it to an editor, sell it, and see it for sale in bookstores everywhere. But I haven’t written it, although I will.

Then there is my new romance novel, SWEPT AWAY. I know the names of all my main characters and their characteristics. I know all about the setting of the book, where my characters live, what they wear, their hopes and dreams. I know how the hero and heroine will find true love. But I am the only one who knows --my husband doesn’t count! --, as I have written a total of two sentences. Since I am not Julia Quinn, I will need more, much much more to make a sale.

Then there is my children’s story, in rhyme, PET PEEVES, which became mangled when I tried to convert it into an attachment. I really need someone to fix the computer because I promised to email the story so that it can be critiqued into perfection, and then sent off to a publishing house.

I also recently wrote a poem, which I did not entrust to the safety of my computer. It is hand-written on the back of an envelope, which I am using as a bookmark. Something should be done about it immediately. The last word should be a major clue, if not a give away.

Anyway, here it is: Out of all the writing projects that are troubling me and making it almost impossible for me to enjoy watching “Young Victoria” and do my needlepoint (neglecting the new knitting project that I purchased the other day -- knitted two rows, one in the knitting store -- and then abandoned it for a while), I picked the one project whose deadline is the furthest away. So I both did some writing, which is almost finished, while still not writing.♥

Rosalie Brinn lives in Long Island. She has been in invitationals at Bennington, Barnard, the 92nd Street Y (twice for poetry) and New York University (twice for poetry tutorial). She likes writing poetry because it sharpens her writing skills. Rosalie has been a social worker at a day care center and a management consultant to her husband's practice; she’s played the stock and commodity markets, and has been a principle in commercial real estate deals. Rosalie is a wife, mother of adult children, grandmother and former caretaker of all elderly relatives. She started writing as a child and now considers it her passion and true vocation.