Friday, October 1, 2010
MY CHARACTERS WANT TO GO TO BED AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS THROW-UP
By Mary Lamb
Maybe I should rethink the whole premise of my story or abandon it entirely, one would think. But the poor characters, it's really not their fault. They're in love, have the serious hots for each other, and are compatible on the psychological, social, and physical level. Poor things all they want to do is get happily naked and engage in mind blowing sex, which is the right, nay, duty of every H/H penned by the author Mary Lamb.
They are not the problem. I am the problem You see, I am pregnant. And what with fluctuating hormones, bloating belly, and the perverse desire to eat everything in sight opposed by the need immediately throw everything up, the idea of sex is, well, I won’t say disgusting, but not nearly as pleasurable as the thought of eating an entire bag of Ruffles potatoes chips with French onion dip. Then making a beeline for the toilet. (Oddly the latter action does not have any effect on the happiness brought on by the first but whatever.)
So what am I doing with my characters? The stupid book must be written before the baby comes (due March 17th) because having had a baby once before, I know I will not be doing any serious writing for a good couple of months after I give birth. So I have resorted to inserting all in caps and boldface, the sentence: PUT BIG SEX SCENE HERE whenever they want to indulge. Which is often because they are just that hot for each other and the poor hero hasn't had sex in five years and the heroine is still a virgin at the age of thirty-five.
My question to all of you out there who've written romance books when you are pregnant is this: How do write about sex when sex is the last thing on you mind?
WARNING: Do not dare tell me chirpily about how sexy you were when you were pregnant and how you just couldn't restrain yourself from sexually harassing your husband because I will find you and hurt you.♥
Mary Lamb is an unpublished writer, shopping around her first historical romance.