Tuesday, April 26, 2011

The Agony of Defeat, or Wonderful Tonight

by F. Solomon

I was crossing the street in Times Square and thought to myself that I am most likely NOT going to finish Script Frenzy. This is an awful thing for me and an awful blow being that I have won it before and countless NaNos. I feel like a failure. I do not know where to begin but I know that it is very unlikely that I can do it. I was sitting at work trying to type and between the formatting of the page and the pressure that I felt to write I just got up and went to the Gap! It was a good day outside and that was what I wanted to do.

I think every writer, every creative person beats themselves up abut not creating or not creating something good enough, but I am extremely fatalistic. I do not believe that anything happens without a reason, and in the same vein, things do not happen without a reason. If it feels better not to write than maybe that is something that I should go along with. We prioritize the things that we need to at the time.

I am reading Wonderful Tonight by Pattie Boyd, and it is rare that I read nonfiction, but this is a compelling story since Boyd was married to George Harrison and Eric Clapton. To paraphrase the last section I read, she describes that she never knew that she could feel about a person the way that she felt about Clapton and that she overlooked a lot of things because she was so deeply in love with him. That she did not regret anything....

My writing cannot be compared to being in love with Eric Clapton, but I have been sloppy about it, I have been diligent about it. It is my passion, I do not have to beat myself up about failing a challenge--what am I going to do next? I live in a city where the Gagosian Gallery has a new exhibition about Picasso and his muse Marie- Therese. What am I going to do next?

I am going to finish writing something, and that makes me feel wonderful tonight.

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