The Craziest of Fears

by Mageela Troche

I must admit I do have a few fears. I’m afraid of clowns and strippers (bad experience at a bridal shower). I don’t quite trust cats, yes, they freak me out a bit. But there is one fear I swore only I had. Until I watched Unzipped and the part where fashion designer Isaac Mizrahi is speaking to Naomi Campbell and he asks, what she fears more failure or success? Her answer was success and Isaac squealed me too. I raised my hand while yelling at the television, me three. Me three.

Yeah, crazy but I have a fear of success. This month, I signed my first contract for my Highland Romance. That is a success. I had written this book, submitted it to a contest and then got offered a contract.

That’s success.

I want to be successful. Truthfully, I have a crazy drive in me that makes me want to conquer everything in life. In some way, I’m a perfectionist but I know that nothing is perfect. But success can be an ugly beast.

You have to live up to that stage you developed and surpass it. People look at you differently, expecting more from you. Can you deliver it or be that one-hit wonder? Perhaps, it was just a fluke, a little angel who steered you down the right path. Thanks to sucky gravity, what goes up must come down, right?

Nothing in this world dazzles like the first time.

Then there are those people out in the world want to tear you down. Lena Dunham, creator and writer of HBO’s show Girls and who signed a book deal for more than three-point-five million dollars, has her detractors who spew comments just to spew them. People say just don’t listen. Sure one voice you can ignore but a thousand are deafening, surrounding you and not letting you go.

Stupid crazy fear.

Then I remembered a life lesson.

To hell with fear.

The world might have its own idea of success.

Well, it’s mine that matters.

So, did I give everything to my writing? Was I true with my emotions, my beliefs, the person I am? At the end of the day, can I pat myself on the back? If I can do all that then that’s a success and besides, tomorrow is another day and I can do it all over again.

Mageela Troche has been contracted by Secret Cravings. Highland Romance is scheduled for release in 2013. She serves as Vice President to RWA/NYC.