WELCOME TO
RWA/NYC’s HAPPY ENDINGS BLOG TOUR!
June being
the month of Brides,
we thought it apropos to talk about Happy Endings.
This is the last stop on our tour and your chance to learn what some of our members think about the much sought
after and often elusive “Happy Ever After.”
A
month ago, I wrote a blog post entitled, "It’s Not Cheating, It's Just
Sex," in which I reviewed a mountain of neurological, sociological, and
psychological research focusing on the battle of the sexes. I cried through
every minute of typing that post, having come to the following conclusion: Mr.
Perfect is a pipe dream concocted by romance writers to help you orgasm, and
that's about it. Science would have you believe all men are philandering horn
dogs (if not in action, than in spirit) and settling is the only way
to go, unless you'd rather be alone for the rest of your life.
But
then, I thought about friends and family members, and the husbands of friends
and family members, who do not fit the profile of the beer-guzzling,
tail-chasing ape many a woman learns to suck it up and love. I asked several of
these rare fellows to tell me how they imagined their ideal relationship, as
part of a portrait series I am developing.
"In
love, when loved, and when loving is truly the only time that real risk and
danger can occur," said one 45-year-old, divorced, community artist and
father of two, "because it is the only time you are able to discover
places within that you didn't know existed. It is not the mystery of withholding;
it is the mystery of the explorer, with a partner, on the same journey."
"An
ideal relationship, for me, would be full support in personal
development," said one 23-year-old, single, undergraduate psychology
student and semi-professional athlete, "in every area of life. Endless
love for one another, and constant communication."
"Honorable,"
said one 34-year-old, single, military man and father of two, "and
committed."
Okay,
so, maybe not all men lack control over their hormones, or equate the
value of a loving relationship with porn-site loyalty. Maybe it's that I
attract only these kinds of men, and/or I am only attracted to them. Psychology
would suggest perhaps maladaptive patterns of relating have unconsciously
affected my methods of mate selection. But I've had years of therapy. I am, in
fact, a therapist. So how can it be that with all the insights and behavioral
changes I have made, I still find myself in the same place romantically? Why,
God. Why?
Some
might argue God has nothing to do with it, but I beg to differ. We often throw
around phrases like "Soul Mates," and my repetitious love life would
seem to support the theory of "Karmic relationships," but what do
those words even mean? I decided to do my own research into the topic,
exploring spiritual theories of love. What I found is far too lengthy to
include in this article, but I'd like to share the gist, and it begins with the
origin of your soul.
One
day, God (who is both male and female) gave him/herself a little squeeze, and a
drop of "white fire light" fell out. This drop agreed to live a human
existence, to learn more about love. So, the drop was divided in half, one half
focusing on masculine energy and the other on feminine energy (though both
contain aspects of each, like ying and yang). Together, these halves are called
"Twin Flames." Separately, each is an "I AM"
presence.
Each
flame, or I AM presence, sent forth a soul, like a fisherman casting a line
with bait on the end. The line connecting the bait to the fisherman is
considered the soul's "Higher Self" or "True Self," the
part that connects your soul to the most divine aspects of yourself. Through
many lives on earth (embodying both genders), a soul seeks to balance Karmic
debts (shameful wounds) through transformative feelings of love, in order
to find its way back to its I AM presence, and reunite with its Twin Flame. But
this is the soul's essential misconception.
As
Cyndi Dale, author of BEYOND SOUL MATES, asserts, "The soul's dedication
to karma supports one repetitive pattern after the other…reinforcing the idea
that you have to earn love. But True Self-based, dharmic relationships
suggest you are love. This means you are empowered to allow in only what
encourages love and send the same to others." Dale explains this dharmic
short-cut through Karma is not an unhealthy, boundary-less love where you
become a doormat and turn the other cheek in a domestic dispute, but a
transformative intention to act with love towards yourself and others, instead
of only yearning for it.
At
times, there will be an emptiness, loneliness and longing that reveals the
karmic nature of a relationship, particularly those that result in marriage.
These can be difficult marriages because they may be for the balancing of
severe crimes, such as murder, betrayal, or hatred; the worse the karma, the
more intense the love and attraction upon meeting. As Elizabeth Clare
Prophet, author of SOUL MATES AND TWIN FLAMES, states, “Very often the only way
to overcome that record of hatred is through the intense love expressed through
the husband-wife relationship. We love much because there is much to be
forgiven.”
Soul
mate connections are somewhat different, and not necessarily romantic in
nature. Soul mates are kindred souls seeking to master the same issues as
you. Sometimes they are part of the same "soul tribe" you've traveled
with throughout many lifetimes, and sometimes they are unknown souls you are
encountering for the first time. But don’t put your life on hold looking for a
soul mate. More importantly, learn to give and receive love from the people you
meet, because you won't necessarily be struck by lightning when you find one.
Char
Margolis, author of LOVE KARMA, and frequent guest on shows like Dr. Oz, Dr.
Phil, and Larry King Live, states, "We get into trouble
when we start to believe that the only relationship worth having is with a soul
mate. When the fireworks aren't immediate or the connection isn't instant, this
belief makes us think the relationship isn't worth our time. The truth is that
we have many soul mates that incarnate in many forms over many lifetimes,
depending on the lessons we—and they—need to learn…What if your lesson is to
learn about the kind of love that builds slowly?"
Let's
recap. Your soul's mission is to love itself without feeling like it has to earn
it, in order to be rejoined with its Twin Flame, and return to God (this is the
general concept of dharma). But in the meantime, your soul isn't buying
it, so instead of taking the elevator, it climbs the stairs by balancing karmic
debts. This makes the idea of the happy ending (uniting with our Twin Flame)
feel too far away and damn near impossible to achieve.
Sylvia
Browne, author of PHENOMENON, and frequent guest on The Montel Williams
Show, CNN, and Good Morning America, challenges us to assume a different
perspective. "We share a bond with our [Twin Flames] like identical twins
would, but we are certainly not joined at the hip. I am not a half person. You
are not a half person. Like all spirits on the Other Side, [Twin Flames] can
choose when, if and how many times to incarnate… We make these decisions
separately, for our own very specific reasons, and don't forget, in the context
of eternity, we leave Home and come back in the blink of an eye. So why
coordinate travel plans when you see each other as often as you want on the
Other Side?"
Brian
Weiss, a prominent psychiatrist and author of MANY LIVES, MANY MASTERS, quoted
a messenger from "the in-between," through a patient in a regressed
hypnotic state, "Our task is to learn. To become God-like through
knowledge…By knowledge we approach God, and then we can rest. Then we come back
and teach, to help others."
And
so, with a little willing suspension of disbelief, perhaps life isn't a
shameful balancing act, but more like a party. And you can either mess with the
"bad kids," and find yourself in a heap of trouble, or you can get a
little tipsy and dance with your friends until the cows come home. Even if you
make a poor decision, there's always the next party to make a better one. And a
party isn't a party if you sit around waiting for only one guest to arrive. But
most importantly, love and happiness doesn't begin at the finish line; it was
with you from the start.♥
ABOUT
THE AUTHOR: Briana MacPerry is a
licensed creative arts therapist and adjunct writing and research instructor.
When she is not grading or corralling her four-year-old son, she is blogging
and working on making that big break happen. To learn more or contribute to her
online community for artists and writers, check out www.brianamacperry.wordpress.com,
or visit her on twitter @macperrytweets.
THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING OUR AUTHORS!
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