Tuesday, February 28, 2017


We are talking Self-Sabotage this week.

Did you read Maria Cox's article yesterday? Do!

Self-sabotage happens when we set a goal, then proceed to make choices that go directly against the accomplishment of that goal. With writing, self-sabotage can look like procrastinating when we’re supposed to be writing. Or it can look like refusing constructive feedback, or failing to do necessary research before a big decision. There are many ways to self-sabotage, but let’s talk about one of the less obvious ways we self-sabotage: playing small.

In the bestselling book A RETURN TO LOVE, author and speaker Marianne Williamson says:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. … You’re playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine…”

The flip side of fear of failure is fear of success. Fear of success brings up questions like: What happens if we go big? How will our lives be different? Will the people around us still love us? If we try and fail, we’re right back where we started. But if we succeed? Things change. And we don’t always like change, even if it’s what we say we want.

Out of this fear, we play small and we hold back. We don’t write that book we think is too “out there.” We don’t submit to our dream agents or editors, we don’t ask for reviews, or we don’t market ourselves effectively. In these ways--which don’t seem too serious on the surface--we sabotage our writing and publishing goals. By playing small, what we’re really saying is we’re scared of change and we want to stay right here where it’s comfortable.

If we want to play big, embrace change, and expand our comfort zones, we must allow ourselves to shine. By shining, by standing in our power, we inspire others to do the same. If we take a closer look at the areas where we’re holding back and make a conscious effort to play bigger, we can turn around that fear of success and work toward meeting our goals instead of against them.♥

Alexis Daria is a contemporary and paranormal romance writer. On Sunday evenings, she co-hosts #RWchat, a weekly Twitter chat for romance writers. Alexis also serves as PRO Liaison for the New York City chapter of RWA, and Municipal Liaison for the NYC region of National Novel Writing Month. You can find her on Twitter at @alexisdaria, and follow her blog www.creativestaycation.com.


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