by Mac Perry
We all know how important it is, that first meet-cute. For a
romance novel, it is arguably the make or break component of the entire book.
Typically, our heroes and heroines become star-crossed at a moment of conflict
(if you want your book to sell), and that conflict is complicated by an
undeniable physical attraction. A sensual chemistry that is impossible to
ignore, struggle as they might. But what is the root of this chemistry? What
makes one person feel dumb struck, and the other hold back? Is there such a
thing as love at first sight? According to neuroscientist and New York Times bestselling author, Dr.
Amen, there are four phases of love: attraction, infatuation, commitment, and
detachment.
1) Attraction: Attraction is a craving for sexual gratification and is
primarily driven by male and female hormones (testosterone and estrogen), the
chemical nitric oxide, and potentially pheromones. Men tend to be attracted to
symmetrical, fertile, healthy, younger-looking women (big surprise), and the
visual system is sensually dominant in men. Studies have shown when men are
exposed to pictures of beautiful women, their limbic system fires up
(controlling emotion and motivation) and their pre frontal cortex heads south
(abandoning the areas controlling judgment). In other words, beautiful women
make men stupid. Interestingly, when women were exposed to images of attractive
men, their brain activity showed no changes in judgement, though they may have
reported an equal level of interest. Women are more concerned with how a man
thinks and acts. So despite the myth of the fairer sex being “overly romantic”
(or overly emotional), according to Dr. Amen, men are more likely to fall in
love at first sight, than women.
2) Infatuation: Infatuation is not so much of an emotion as it is a
“motivational drive” fueled by the chemicals involved in the brain’s reward
system; epinephrine, norepinephrine, dopamine, serotonin, and phenylethylamine
(PEA). Epinephrine and norepinephrine are produced in the adrenal glands,
spinal cord and brain and are considered excitatory neurotransmitters causing
an “adrenaline rush” after the initial phase of attraction. Dopamine is
associated with pleasure, motivation, and concentration (“Why can’t I get him
out of my head?”). Seretonin is the “feel good” chemical producing feelings of
satisfaction with a partner. And PEA is an adrenaline-like substance known as
the “love molecule” that initiates the flood of chemicals, creating that
euphoric feeling.
3) Commitment: After a period of six months to two years, the brain eventually
downshifts from infatuation into a desire to commit (otherwise, people would
collapse from maintaining a lust-crazed state). Oxytocin and Vasopressin are
the chemicals involved in this drop off. Oxytocin is related to feelings of
closeness and being “in love.” Higher levels of oxytocin are also associated
with increased feelings of trust. Vasopressin is involved in regulating sexual
persistence, assertiveness, dominance, and territorial markings. Notably, while
men might be attracted and fall in love more quickly than women, this chemical
switch-over into committed feelings is more likely to occur in women first.
4) Detachment: Sometimes when the infatuation
chemicals drop off, people mistake the lack of intensity and euphoria with
falling out of love. Also, because they feel the withdrawal from infatuation
chemicals, they seek other partners or stimulating substances to re-create that
feeling.
When we fall in love with someone, they become imbedded in the
Limbic part of our brains. When we cannot interact with our love object as we
are used to, that part of the brain becomes inflamed looking for him/her. This
inflammation is associated with low seretonin levels which leads to depression,
trouble sleeping, feeling obsessed, loss of appetite, and wanting to isolate
ourselves. Additionally, a deficit in endorphins, which modulates pain and
pleasure pathways in the brain, may be responsible for why we feel physical
pain during a breakup. You’re heart, quite literally, aches.
So, yes, it is possible to fall in love at first sight, but it
is more likely to happen to men. Unfortunately, men are less likely to commit
before a woman (how’s that for a horny, thorny rose?). While bonding chemicals
are essential for a relationship to develop, Dr. Amen also emphasizes that
communication and mutual support are essential for pushing initial attraction
into the realm of commitment. But if you happen to find yourself caught up in
the “fishhooks” of detachment, be sure to stay healthy and avoid idealizing
your past partner. As Dr. Amen states, “Being well is not only the best
revenge, it’s the best way to be.” ♥
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Mac
Perry is a Creative Arts Therapist, adjunct professor, and aspiring author of
urban fantasy. When she is not corralling her three-year-old son, she is
blogging and working on her passion’s pursuit. To learn more, check out her web
site at www.macperry.com, or her blog at www.macperrysblog.blogspot.com.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment